After the War
by crazfool
Summary: After the war, a fifth year Gryffindor finds it hard to pick up the pieces and move on with her life. Also, she finds it hard to let go of her guilt over one word she said to one man named Severus Snape.


_**After the War**_

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to JKR not me. Even the character of Victoria Frobisher. She is listed by JKR as a Gryffindor during Harry Potters days at school. There is no other information on her but she is still property of JKR. I'm just using Harry Potter as a playground :)**

You know, after the war, it was impossible to pick up all the pieces of my old life and put them back together. It would never be whole again because some of the pieces were missing.

Sure, there's hope that the acting Minister of Magic, Kingsley Shacklebolt, will get things at the ministry working again. My education at Hogwarts will be on hold for awhile while the castle is being repaired but, I'll still be able to complete it. And the wizarding world will eventually get back up to speed. People injured during the war are getting the best care possible at St. Mungo's. Many things are still being fixed and cleaned and brought slowly back to life. But, by now I realize that no matter how many broken structures are rebuilt or how many people are nursed to health, that nothing will be the same.

What hurts the most is the knowledge of what cannot be fixed or replaced. My memories of Hogwarts were supposed to be some of the happiest of my life. But now they are tainted with the horror of this past year. There are still Death Eaters in hiding out there, bitter that their master did not cheat death a second time. Due to the trauma I had experienced over the past year, I have developed a constant fear of pain and a flightiness at sudden noises. Albus Dumbledore, the greatest wizard of our age, is still buried beneath the ground. The friends that I have lost in battle are still gone…The dead are still dead.

And the shock of the truth still gnaws at my sanity. Harry Potter had stood before Voldemort – I'm guessing it's ok to say now – and told him the truth about Professor Snape. Later, he elaborated on it to the rest of us and started lobbying at the ministry to have Snape's portrait commissioned for the Headmaster's office.

When I heard the truth from Harry's mouth, I ran back inside the castle away from the crowd. I couldn't stay there. Not with the overwhelming feeling of guilt making me sick to my stomach.

When Dumbledore was killed up on the Astronomy Tower last year, I was shocked. And angry. I, Victoria Frobisher, wanted to find Snape and make him pay just as much as the next person. I thought what most of the wizarding world had thought. Severus Snape was a cold, cruel, heartless, murdering, Death Eater.

I remember returning to Hogwarts this year for my O.W.L. year. After the ministry had fallen, Snape became the new Headmaster and muggle-born students started disappearing. My best friend, Penelope, did not show up to school. From what I have heard she and her parents had gone into hiding. Even after the war was over, I hadn't seen her, wondering if she was even still alive.

Most of my other friends from Gryffindor were either taken off the train or didn't even make it to the train. I didn't really know other people from my house or other houses except maybe Luna Lovegood from Ravenclaw. But she was a seventh year from a different house and had different classes from me. Eventually, she was taken away too. So I was alone. And still bitter with anger at one person. Severus Snape. How could he betray Dumbledore? How could he betray the school? How could he stay up in that office while we the students suffered in misery and despair?

I was never really one of the standout Gryffindors. Nor did I partake in many feats of bravery throughout my schooling. But during my horrible 5th year at Hogwarts I became a bit more daring and trouble-seeking due in part to my anger and frustration but also because I didn't give a damn about my education when my life was on the line everyday. The Carrows were especially awful and I received many tongue-lashings and insults from them simply because I was a Gryffindor.

At one point I was walking the halls to get to my next class, which was thankfully Transfiguration with McGonagall, when I turned the corner and slammed headfirst into Alecto Carrow. I reported to detention later that evening, my hands shaking like mad. I heard of the horrors of detention with the Carrows from students getting out of the Hospital Wing after said detentions. But I had refused to show them my fear and that only made them angrier. So much for being a braver Gryffindor this year. I received the Cruciatus curse from Crabbe and Goyle of Slytherin. The Carrows used them in detention to torture us while teaching them to be "promising Death Eaters".

I tried not to scream. I held out for a few minutes biting my lip 'til it bled. But I didn't have the endurance. I don't know how long I was screaming. I heard the Carrows as they kept urging Goyle to continue. They sounded so gleeful at the sight of my pain. Then, all of a sudden it stopped. When I looked up, I saw Snape standing there ordering the Carrows, Crabbe and Goyle out of the room. When they left, he just stood there staring at me.

My wrist felt like it was on fire and the cut I had aquired on my cheek was bleeding. Yet I picked myself up off the floor and stood as tall and proud as I could; not letting him see my pain. I stared at him for awhile, looking into those black eyes. They were empty of every emotion possible. Then I snatched my eyes away and hurried out of the room making for the Hospital Wing. But, in a moment of anger, I stopped and looked back at Snape, who was also exiting the room, and fixed him with the hardest coldest glare I could muster. He didn't react and that infuriated me even more. "Traitor," I had said, and I walked away...

Looking back now, that word puts knots in my stomach. Knowing what I know now shames me. Never have I been more wrong about anyone in my entire life! Never has the wizarding world been more wrong.

What hurts is that that was how Snape intended it. His position in the war depended on everyone hating him. It's unbearable to think of how he felt through this past year. And when we learned of how he died, I almost vomited on the spot. He must've been in so much pain at the end! Pain that he didn't deserve!

When Harry spoke of how Severus Snape loved his mother, Lily Evans Potter, and the memories he had seen in the penseive, I teared up. This man had loved truly and faithfully only to have it taken away because of one mistake. He must've felt agony when she died! And to see her eyes in Harry, who looked like the man who bullied him throughout school, must have been torture! He had more than atoned for his mistakes.

Now that the wizarding world knows the truth, Snape is viewed as a hero. A man, who a week ago, witches and wizards would have loved to see dead. It is so unfair that this man is being awarded what he deserves after he is no longer around to receive it.

No matter how he is heralded as a hero now, it doesn't erase what has been done to him. It doesn't erase the hurt, sorrow, pain, and mistrust that he had felt throughout his life. It doesn't make it all better. Some hurts and pains and memories will never go away. I know that now. The only consolation I have, that the wizarding world has, is that he completed his task and is now hopefully at peace.

Today, I go down to the grave of Severus Snape where it lies on the school grounds. The white marble headstone contrasts with the nature around it. In my hand is a white daisy. I stop and look at the headstone. _Here lies Severus Tobias Snape. A hero in the war against darkness. The bravest man we ever knew._ Somehow, the words don't seem enough. But then again, nothing they say will be enough to repay him for his sacrifices. Nothing I say will ever be enough. With that knowledge, I feel heavy with sadness and guilt.

I place the daisy at the foot of his grave among the other flowers that were left there after his funeral a few days ago. I know that more people will come later to pay their respects. But for now it's just me.

"Professor Snape, I'm sorry for calling you a traitor."

I stand there wishing I had more to say knowing that nothing I say will be good enough.

I look up and see the wind rustling the tree branches. I jump when I hear a faint whisper in my ear. _"Thank you…"_

I look around and no one is there. I know that nobody is here but I sense a presence about me. It is not malicious or haunting. My mind struggles to comprehend it. But I feel a change in me.

And for the first time since the war, I feel lighter...

**Thanks so much for reading! This is my first fanfic ever and while I may not be a great writer, a review would be most appreciated!**


End file.
